Month: August 2012
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Fears and uncertainty
It irks me to hear people say “it’s all going to be okay” – let me clearly tell you nothing is ever going to be okay. Everything changes. We simply have to rise above it all and make do with the ‘newness’ of what life presents us. I returned to work a week after the funeral.…
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Breathe in, breathe out
No two days are the same. I was all positive and glowing last week but yesterday I cracked. I cried. The boys were getting to me and all I wanted to do was think. I’ve been doing a lot of that recently. Thinking about people trying to insinuate themselves into my life, strangers coming forward to…
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Beautiful breeze
Today is one week short of four months since Mikhail passed from my world. Just as Spring buries the dead wood of winter I too am shedding the weight of sorrow from life. The kids are going to their play therapy session later – I am blessed to have such spirited sons. I am smiling these…
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The first steps
I held my sons and cried tears of fear and uncertainty. I had my sons but felt so alone. They too were alone. No more husband, no more Daddy. That first night alone in our home (did I mention we moved into our dream home on 29 February 2012, on 29 April 2012 Mikhail was…
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Reality sets in
With fear and pain saddled in my heart I had to let our sons, Xavier (11) and Xerxes (5) know that Daddy was not coming back. My poor babies…they loved their father, they were crushed like biscuits. The three of us were lost to the world without Mikhail. Somedays we still are… He was buried a…
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Shattered…Farewell Mikhail Walker
Like a gazillion fragments of glass I felt scattered – nearly impossible to put back to its original state. That Sunday in April 2012 when you gave up on life, Mikhail Walker. You left me with the silence of death. 8.55am. I remember whispering in your ears ..”I love you, ours sons love you. Your suffering…
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embracingthechanges 3
The man born Nigel Patrick Walker in Hayes, outside London died as Mikhail Walker in Johannesburg, South Africa. He died as a Muslim and this will explain the name change. Within 6 hours after his last breath he was buried in a simple grave. My sons Xavier and Xerxes were too numb to fully understand…
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embracingthechanges 2
Sunday morning dawned sunny and beautiful. I went to the hospital with my sister to meet the doctor but there must have been a break in communication. The resident doctor was not there and there was nobody with authority to switch off the life support. I held Mikhail’s hands, whispered in his ears. I told…
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embracingthechanges The first
The rain lashed outside on that Saturday night and I watched Mikhail grow weaker by the minute. There was no hope floating anymore. I knew I had to take the bold step and ask for the life support to be switched off. I made arrangements to meet the doctor the next morning. I drove home…