This single stem of floral beauty greeted me as I stepped into my room at the Buckleigh Guest House in Durban. It held meaning for me..single and beautiful just the way I feel about life!

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Today marks the end of our time. You left me in body a year ago but I held on to everything that represented ‘Mikhail’. It’s time to release you. 

There’s so much I want to say. Afraid I may forget important facts. The heart is sincere but the mind is weak right now. I was terrified of closing my eyes last night because it was going to lead me to this day. The one where I knew I had to salute your memory and let you go. Well it happened. That day came and I feel lost without you.

Had a chat with Xavier and Xerxes this morning. My brave X-MEN.

“Why are you crying Mum? That won’t Dad back. Just know he is safe in Jannah.” My little one says the wisest things and yet he never shed a tear to this day. With the innocence of his youth he simply carries on and makes the most of everyday. How I wish I had his strength!

Mikhail loved Lonestar’s Amazed . Said it reminded him of me and that is how I will remember him. Simple yet amazing. He didn’t expect much from life – all he needed was love from ‘the one’, the ability to practice medicine and a son to continue with the Walker heritage. Two sons and a damn good paediatrican. He got two out of the three.

To help me heal and continue on this new journey I will write a letter to him and post it in my heart. I know it will reach him.

My Sweet Heaven’s Angel, Mikhail

I’ve often heard that if you wish with all your heart then it will come true. There was just one wish I wanted today. To feel your arms around me, hear the comfort in your voice or simply a moment in time with you. God didn’t grant that to me.

It made me understand and accept that you are at peace. There is no more pain, suffering and rejection. I will no longer pine for the things that can never be. You are now free and I celebrate your life. Today I will dry my tears and give thanks for all that we shared.

You were a beautiful and kind man. Someone who enriched my life with the gifts of courage, wisdom and sacrifice. Through you I learned about love, how to believe in my dreams and explore the horizons. Thank you for the letters you wrote to me over the years.

I DID love you. I just couldn’t say the words because I knew it was going to hurt me one day. One day when we could not be together anymore. Like today. Yes it was selfish but you knew me better than anyone. You must have sensed my fears Imagebut understood what I couldn’t say in words I felt in my heart.

I don’t know what the future brings. Too scared to think ahead right now. Wherever life takes me I will take the lessons you taught me along our journey. Please look down on us as we navigate the long and rocky roads.

I wish you peace, joy, happiness and above all I wish you eternal love. Thank you for sharing your life with me and making me the person I am today.

I love you always and forever


Today marks the close of the final chapter this past year since Mikhail left my world. It brings to an end the fear of the unknown and the changes I had to embrace.

Tomorrow is the dawn of all things different. To those who followed my blog thank you for being part of my odyssey. Feel free to keep in touch.

Love and light



Realising my dreams

THE END! Wrote the final words in my manuscript last night. Too shocked to cry, too happy to pack it away.

‘Well done Mum. I’m proud of you. Always knew you were going to do it.’ My son’s words. My Xavier. Trying to keep my focus through all the tears right now. Not easy I tell ya. Asked his advice about someone the other.

Mum: I have this friend I really like but he’s acting all strange. What should I do?

Xavier: Hard for me to answer that because everyone likes me.

Mum: But just think about it. How would you handle it if you were in that situation. Help me here, how will you solve it?

Xavier: Mmm. Well I’ll leave it for a while. Give him time to think things through. Then call him.

Mum: And if he doesn’t answer my calls or ignores my messages?

Xavier: Then I don’t think he is worth having in your life. Let it go. You deserve better.

Advice to melt my heart. He has his father’s mannerisms and wisdom. A true Walker.

Back to the manuscript. My answer came after I hit the ‘save’ button. During December 2011 (our last summer as a family) my beautiful Mikhail helped me with research. I can still remember him lying on the bed with a smirk painted across his face: ‘Are you going to share the profits with me when the book is published?’. Four months later he was gone.

I thought about him last night. Was he looking down on me? I can picture him telling his angel buddies…’See that woman over there. My. TRUE. LOVE. Finally she put her heart to it. Written her novel and inviting me to be a part of it.’

Such was his nature. Giving me the freedom to explore the horizons. Setting me free to find my true purpose. What a man! What an amazing man!

Now I turn to my angels for direction. What happens next? I don’t want to rush anything. A masterpiece takes time. However for all the support I am dedicating this title to the memory of my late husband, Mikhail Walker.

Monday, 29 April 2013. 9.55am will be a year. I will post my last blog on this day. To all those who followed me along the journey THANK YOU!


Mikhail was a miracle. He breezed into my pained life and healed my broken world. A former Catholic, he embraced Islam and we married in 2000. This was no match made in heaven…he loved me while I had to understand what love was meant to be, he smoothed the bumps in my life and I chiselled hurt in his. I hurt him for 12 years on the front but I loved him deeply..I just couldn’t say the words to him. How I regret that!

Today he is no longer with me. Perhaps he is watching me from heaven’s gates, maybe flying above me like a bird…wherever he is I hope he is not in pain anymore. I hope he is at peace. I pray that he finds the love I could never give him.

Thank you Mikhail, thank you for enriching my life, for teaching me the lessons I needed to learn. I love you today and forever…

Getting a perspective on my reading for 2018

I want to cowrite a book this 2018📚

Coffee and Shortbread Book Blog


It’s 2018 which means a whole new book year lies ahead of us. I am looking forward to see what publishers have in  install for us this year with their new releases. But I also been thinking a lot of my reading goals and what I would like to accomplish this year with my reading.

I was quite happy with my reading last year.

I read 70 books and I also spread my wings and read a few books I did not think I would ever read.

This year is a big year for my writing projects, but I don’t want to scale down on my reading. I think consistently reading a book, helps my writing and it also one of my most enjoyable ways to relax but I still want more from my reading.

So, while my reading goal for last year was 70 books and I think met…

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